Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
