i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize