I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
