Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
