He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
