I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Found your dick twin last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
