Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
