Yo dont text me then not text me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
