bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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