i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
