Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
