I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
