dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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