It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
