As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
