Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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