I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
