Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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