She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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