i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
