If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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