Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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