I think im going to throw up on grandma
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
