Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
