how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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