He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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