Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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