Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
