Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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