a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
