I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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