I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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