Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
