There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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