I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
