I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
