this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
