I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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