I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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