I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
