Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
