...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
