so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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