i think my tv is drunk
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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