I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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