Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
