i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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