he shaved USA in his pubs
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
