Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I supernannyed him into submission
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
