i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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