Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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