Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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