he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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