And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Someone signed my nipple.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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