My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize