Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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