"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
