WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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