I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think your dad took our porno
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
