i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
