I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
