Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
