Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
