Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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