I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
