She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
