You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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