Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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