i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
