dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
