i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
