it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
