I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
