yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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