the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
