yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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