Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
