Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
