well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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