His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
