Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
