it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
not ubering you a puppy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
