If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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