I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
