remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
