so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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