You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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