'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
