We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
