we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Two words: nipple clamps
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