fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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