Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
