I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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