wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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