I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
