Ketchup is God's man juice
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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