is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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