Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
