I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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