And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
