Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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