you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
